so i keep mentioning this because it is still a problem and i don't think i have adequately addressed it, though i do think i've improved on it. i need to really buckle down on my shit, to be quite honest. this year is going to be stressful and it's filled with more work, commitments, and loose ends than ever before and nothing but a singular and monastic like dedication will get me through it all while achieving my goals. it's harsh, but i want to accomplish the goals i set out this semester and next.

some ideas:

  • i need to cut losses on the things i can't master, don't have the time to fully learn
    • this is largely aimed at my classes where the matter of passing with an A is largely more about rote memorization than actual understanding. i hate that so much, but a few of these classes don't really matter in the immediate moment relative to the other things i ought to learning, focusing on.
    • i think anki cards can actually help a lot here. crank out definitions, concepts, examples, throw them into a deck for constant review. move on. etc.
  • conversely, i need to double down on things like job prep and self learning
    • anki cards are working well for me, and i need to make more of them
    • i need to programming more consistently. it's the only real way to get better at swe as a general topic. reading won't do it. - i like ping-cap's teaching plan and am considering it - HODSA remains a good book and i need to finish that - injecting the opportunity to use rust in some of my classes will hopefully help here as well
  • i need to keep working out fanatically
    • i am actually doing great in this regard, but i can't let stress and scheduling psych myself into thinking that cutting physical fitness out actually improves my ability to get things done, learn, etc

these are general statements. not much is actionable out of them. that said, i think resolving to keeping a dedicated study area (bway, umkc library) and hours of work are going to play an increasingly important role, and i need to affirm them sooner rather than later. this also means enforcing more restriction/constraint with what i'm doing on the computer. locking and blocking myself out of distractions needs to become the rule, not the exception. i haven't lost too much time to these things, but breaking focus for a distraction like these can cause a disproportionate amount of lost effort from lost "deep focus" or whatever people call it.

i think these are some good action items for now. i'll revisit this in the morning tomorrow and try to implement them immediately, keep them constantly at back of mind.


tues/thurs classes remain a drag. doesn't help that linear algebra is a case where the class is going really slow, imho, but has an attendance grade and the risk of quizzes meaning any skipping caries a real amount of risk.

besides classes:

  • math300 hw 1.1
  • math301 quiz stuff
  • cs449 readings


project alloy announced the opportunity for alumni to attend a workshop on distributed computing taught by aphyr (aka Kyle Kingsbury), which is an amazing and awesome opportunity. i applied and should be finding out by later next week. i really hope this works out, despite the added stress to my schedule.


lifted today:

  • squats: 5x5 @ 65lb
  • over head press: 4x5, 1x4 @ 50lb (failed last set)
  • dead lift: 1x5 @ 115lb.

over head press remains my most dreaded workout. i think i genuinely have my form down for the most part and that it's generally a matter of real weakness wrt those muscle groups.

as for dead lift, i think i finally rediscovered my form/technique with it, but also that my stature combined with the plate sizes (not the biggest, yet), means that the bar is awkwardly close to the ground, which is why reps feel so strenuous/awkward. i think the gym has 35lb plates and, if so, i'll make sure to use them next time instead of 25's.