last 3 months§

What a trip. Immensely stressful. No other way to really put it other than in visceral detail of how I managed, and mismanaged, to handle a huge amount of stress and work over the past semester. It's incredibly ironic in the sense that I thought Fall 2019 was going to be a lighter semester of work – it was anything but, and the way I juggled all that stress towards the end was progressively less sustainable.


i, in all seriousness, feel inclined to write out my own personal postmortem. like, "elias' reflection on being overwhelmed and fucking up, and how to manage and recover from this." anything else, such as a literal recollection, is not worth it -- it'll only bring back pain and regret over my own mistakes and behavior, and anger at perceived injustices and shortcomings by others and the academic system.


i managed to:

  • present at Rust Belt Rust with Ferrisp
  • got Papers We Love KC off the ground, this week seeing the 4 consecutive and successful presentations thus far and with a 5th already planned.
  • finished my classes with a B+ to A average across them (haven't done the actual math)
  • wrote a lot of rust. probably around 10k LoC.





today is the first time in months that i'm sitting down to reflect on what i want to do, "need" to get done, plans, ideas, etc. it's a whole lot of pain admitting this and it's even more to actively confront it by restarting this personal ritual.


i haven't worked out in about a month. i want to make this right, again.


left over south-asian style rice with 2 eggs and 2 slices of bacon. Robust but to hold me over past lunch.